HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! <3

Yes, I love myself this much to bold those 4 words despite my low self-esteem. :)




The day started out with plenty of birthday sms-es and wall posts wishing me happy birthday. I slept pretty late, but somehow woke up feeling extremely refreshed. So alert was I that I went to school on time for the first time this year! Well, on time being my time which basically means get to school by 7am or earlier. But I was beat! Oh my god, I was beaten none other than...


CINDY ONG! She woke up and reached school an hour earlier than normal for me, so I'm happy. :) It must be recorded down somewhere that she came to school at 6.40am. It ain't gonna happen again. Haha.

(Kiankok comes to school and sees Cindy)
Kiankok: What the fuck?

Due to the SC candidates' speeches being moved forward, I didn't get my Squad MacDonald's breakfast as I originally wanted. So Cindy and the rest planned a cereal breakfast! Haha, I ate honeystars with milk, which is a simple but sweet breakfast. I liked just watching everyone smile and laugh, and hearing everyone sing for me.
Because the previous year my birthday was on a weekend, so technically it was the first time I heard people sing Happy Birthday for me in school. :D I really can't remember if I had any birthday songs during secondary school, so I enjoyed being the center of attention. XD

CK mixed the cereals to have a 'better taste' LOL. Everyone was happily eating, although some people cannot stop mugging also. -_-

Even 6C36 sang for me! Before physics practical, so I was kind of happy too. Haha.
It's so funny, even though it's supposed to be 'my day' I was screwing up everything during the practical, and I nearly forgot the presents people gave me! X3 Luckily I went back to get it.


I didn't like the speech Mr Teo Chor Howe gave us, kind of pissed me off. But whatever, I won't think about it.

There was the Board of School Directors meeting, and the school was packed with cars. I mean PACKED!

Look at it! o_o
And there was a car dashboard filled with carebears. So cute! I imagine a nice school principle who is loved by his/her students. :)


After mass pe (which I did quite well, in my opinion, heh.) I was doing the tahan training when Chingshia enlightened me on a brilliant idea: have dinner in school! :D
So yes, I ordered pizza and KFC and treated clusters of 4D-ODAC-Squad people for a nice dinner. 4D peeps gave me an EXCELLENT GIFT and I was very happy! Thank you to my 4D angel too! I love having another 52 cards of SUJU to look at :D


After dinner everyone was sweet enough to grant me a game of tookitooki. :D I LOVE THAT GAME! Haha, but it does get boring after a while. I think I just like tonka-ing people. Haha.




-

GIFTS!


Grey top + Necklace = Yi'an, Ho Simin, Cindy, Kiankok, CK :D (I think)
SUJU Magazine x 5 = Yixi <3
SUJU deck = 4D Angel (who are you?)
SUJU poster x 5 = Yiling :)
I LOVE DONGHAE calender = Lee Simin :)


Black hoodie + arm warmers + gay hairband = Yijie, Yujie, Elicia, Cindy, Bram, Chingshia, Nicholas, Weicheng, Zhenzhou, PMZ :D (I think)
Sarah Dessen book = Tzuhsiang XD
Thumbdrive = Ah pan :) (Cousin)
Necklace = Sermin :) (Cousin)


Cute monkey! = Elaine :)

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, In laughter, in strife

-

It feels like the world should slow down.
Everything's so fast, so sudden, so quick, so instant, so temporary.

We really should slow down and relax, take the time of the world to be ourselves.

-

I want to kiss you, so that everything you say will go inside me and stay there.

If only I could hold your heart in my hand,
close up the wounds and the gaps,
keep the blood flowing and the pain out,
and pump it so that you could keep living

-

Week 2 has come to an end.
Motivation has stayed with me pretty well, I'm proud of myself, although I tend to purposely slack off because I know I can. :)

Its been a pretty hectic week? I'm trying to finish my tutorials and complete my holiday homework, but it's slowing down due to personal reasons I shall not divulge. :)
I'm not complaining, although I do wish the day has more than 24 hours, and I didn't need at least 5 hours of sleep in order to function as a human being.
There has been a lot of exercise though! It's coupled with a lot more eating as well, so my finances have been depleted. It's just as well that its the end of the month. I need money for food and presents for various people.
But I don't feel as fat as I did before. I still think I can lose more weight, but I'm trying my best to be more confident of myself.

It's the first year since secondary 2 that I've actually waited for my birthday to come. The past years I never wanted to hear about it because I didn't want to be disappointed by my unconscious high expectations. Its not like I purposely want a lot, its just the word 'birthday' means a lot to me. I guess because I have so many ideas on how to celebrate other people's, and how to make them memorable, I tend to want the same thing.
Not that I'm asking for anything extravagant this year. I'm going to calmly embrace the day with a fresh attitude, to signify my 'birth' as a new person and for the new year. That's one nice thing to have your birthday early, I guess. I used to think because its so early in the year, it wouldn't be remembered, like it would get looked over due to new school, new year, new events, etc. I soon realized it didn't matter when your birthday but more of whose birthday it is.

I don't want to ask for much, and I'm not going to. I mean, it would be nice to get a really good surprise, but people get busy and it's A level year and we're all swamped with random things that cannot be ignored. It must be planned that my birthday can't be celebrated, so I won't blame or fault anyone for forgetting it. :)
All I want this year, is to go through 1st Feb as content and untroubled as possible. I'm not going to wish for big things I won't get, for big parties I used to have, for big promises that cannot be kept.

I'm just not going to forget it.


-




Sunset @ National Stadium after dragonboating on wednesday.

I had to go home; didn't do much work in the end, and missed a dinner with ODAC-ians.
Still, I don't regret getting this picture.


-

'Love is the best motivation'.
This must be the first time I'm in love then.

Sometimes its the heart that matters, not the skills.

-

I went to school early to revise some maths. I know I should do the homework but hey, at least I'm doing something. :)
I think maths is the only thing I don't mind doing because... well,it sounds ironic but I don't need to think or use my brain when I do maths. Or maybe I do, to the pint I'm distracted of my own fatigue and troubles. Lit makes me think f things that are related to me, because well, when i write essays the best is if you can actually relate to the topic. Same with KI.
Physics requires maths AND definitions-kind of knowledge. I can't do any physics related work unless I revise it again and I hate reading. I want to write while I read. But I alread-

shutup. Right.

I went to an EDS practise yesterday. Not so fun since I was physically incapable of being enthusiastic. I tried to take it seriously but after a while my body just gave up on me. I just want to hurry up and get started and not regret my choice for taking part in both EDS SYF and CS Production.

Mr Chia might kill me, heh.

-

I've been watching Liar Game, starring these two gorgeous people:
Liar Game
Matsuda Shota as Akiyama Shin'ichi
Erika Toda as Kanzaki Nao

ZOMG Matsuda is way way hotter here than in Hana Yori Dango, sexy sexy sexy intense stare; and its so thrilling! Even though I managed to predict everything that was going to happen, you just keep wanting more when you watch it! I think I'll collect the manga if I can. :D
Oh yes, most normal people can predict the outcome too, I think, because Kanzaki Nao is as idiotically honest and simple-minded as you can ever get. XD
OH and this is the first jap drama I've ever enjoyed listening to the opening song. Its just so COOL :D

My Japan addiction at the moment.
In the end, Jap is still the best. SAIKO! :D

There's so much music in the world. Everything just waiting for me to hear, to understand. I wish I had the time.

Now I understand Simin's post about Rhapsody in Blue. Watching her solo was amazing; I spent most of the band concert thinking back on the times I had with NAPS CO. Although I disliked being forced into the CCA, I think if I wasn't I wouldn't have realized how much I liked performing. It's funny because I can't really appreciate classical music, I think? The only way I can stay away in a band or CO concert is if I'm playing the instruments myself. -_- But anyway, when Simin was playing her piece, it was absurdly long in my opinion, but I managed to stay awake to listen throughout. Really impressive, and I think she was excellent. :)

Before band concert I met up with Yijie to do homework but that kind of phailed because I had a lot of stuff with me and didn't want to bring too much things because they were heavy. So I didn't bring any notes or my calculator which just puts me off studying. So I slept. -_- zz.
Met up with Elicia, Bram to shop for presents and then ZZ and Chings met us for dinner. Afterwhich we headed to school to attend the concert.

Thanks to Yutse for her thoughful Xmas present. :D

After much harassment, I have finally given the D.Gray-man figurine to Xingqi. Say whatever you want, I like giving presents that people like. Or you know, things that are slightly more memorable than normal stuff like photoframes etc. If I ever give presents, I think about what the person likes and whether he/she will like the gift. If I don't think of anything I don't give anything; I rather be empty handed than insincere.

So yes, the stuff that made my day was:

Bram's "Oh my god, very nice!"
Zhenzhou's "My father thought I was a smoker."
Elicia's "Oh I have another one!"
Yijie's "I will continue to harass you!"
Chingshia's "My mother ask me why I buy tissue paper."
Cindy's "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!"
Chua Simin's "AHHHHHH!"
&
Xingqi's "Oh my god, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" *with cute little jogging motions on the spot*
(oh and also Nicholas "CAREFUL WITH THE PLASTIC BAG! It costs $2!)
LOL.

Yay for being Santarina. :)

-

don't try to starve yourself of love if you haven't known love at all.

Today I went to learn Abseiling with the first batch of ODAC people instead of on 7th because Hwee realized she was an OGL last minute and switched with me last minute. It was a test of courage. I had to overcome my fear of death as I stepped to the ledge and swung around, leaning my butt out and dangling my life at the strength of the rope I was tied to. It was scary, true, but as fast as fear comes to me, it leaves after I realize I'm safe. I'm pretty alright. Heights still get to me at times, but as long as I don't show it, I don't think I freak anyone out. Anyway, the point is I think we passed? There's a test, but I think I'll ace it anyway. :)

quote of the day
Aizan: When you're up on the mountains and trying to keep your rope and you find a knot in the middle, wa~ It's seriously just fuck your mother upside down!

After Abseiling, I went to eat dinner with PMZ Justin and CK, in which the latter two subjected PMZ and I to IQ puzzles which completely broke our brain. -_- After that, I went to watch Sherlock Holmes. ZOMG I ended up buying a ticket for a front row seat at Bishan GV, which was an extremely horrible experience. It was like, straining my neck and it was worse than Dark Knight; I watched that movie in the front row too, but it was wide and large and still pretty far from the screen. This time it wasn't. Its like watching people rock climb as I belay them, except I had a cushion under my neck that didn't do much, and I had to keep my head like that for about 2 hours. -_- Grah. If the movie wasn't so fantastic I would've been pissed.

Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic as Sherlock! Granted, he's a little too buff and handsome than Sherlock should be, but who gives a shit! It was great and dynamic and thrilling and I wish a thousand times that I watched it in a better circumstance. Lol.
I loved Jude Law too; the two are really amazing together. I can only imagine Robert's torture at memorizing all those lines and delivering them at breakneck (lol) speed.

Overall, a pretty good New Year's Day 2. :)

-

New Year's Eve afternoon was spent at Cindy's new place. It started out fun - Kiko shat in her room haha. I was late because I was mailing stuff, which by the way pissed the hell out of me. The staff should really learn to smile. Seriously. I was looking for a feedback form the whole 15 minutes I had to queue for ONE bloody stamp. -_-

Anyway, I went to Cindy's place, had /th, simin and chanel for company too as we chat and had fun with random topics and Plants Vs Zombies. LOL. Ho Simin left soon, but Lee Simin came to take her place for a bit and then we went to 18 chefs for dinner. It was nice meeting up with a small part of the squad, I love them to bits. :D We are definitely going to have a post-A Levels overseas trip!

After that I went home, chionged stuff and then left to meet 4D for countdown. Despite initial plannings, only 6 of them made it from start to end. We had fun though, stoning outside the full to the brim Macs for while, then rushing to make the countdown at the Tanjong Rhu Bridge. We didn't make it in time so we stopped at the highway. We still missed the countdown, just like the previous year. HAHA. Oh wells!
The first few minutes of the new year was like camwhoring session. We camwhored and cheered "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" to people, whether they bothered to do the same or not. Then we headed to Kallang Leisure Park to shop for some midnight snacks and drinks, went to find out bus 16 doesn't operate after 1am, walked out to the main road and take a cab to my house.
The night over was spent playing The China Man, but I think it wasn't that fun since I myself was a little tired and there were only 7 of us. My bro later told me that he kept waking up to our laughter. oops hahah.

We in the end slept at 6.30am, and except for early bird nicholas, the rest of them left around noon or so.

I was just as tired and went home to slump on the bed and sleep.

-

darn, i need to continue my freaking reflections for china trip. -_-

 So for the moment, I'm basking in the temporary paradise at my cousins place, with late night movies and random games and filling my laptop with cool movies and such. It feels like a holiday, but every movie I watch makes me so guilty. It makes me more and more determined to be a better person next year.

I want to be a better person. Not just for my sake, but for everyone too. I hope I can do more for the people I care about.

Just an update. :)

Putting everything that I currently have into my laptop has inspired me to gather all my homework and do it at once. Its nice to have something that I don't have to share. But the homework part isn't going to come too soon. Shit. ><

I went swimming the other day! for the first time zomg. It wasn't very comfortable at first, because I kept seeing dead bugs everywhere. But after clearing out the big ones, I started caring less about the little bits of dustmites and whatnot in the pool. Just not opening my mouth when I go underwater. :)

Ziyi and family is back. Mongyee and family coming soon. Christmas dinners are going to fill up the house o_o
Thank god for my laptop. I don't need to share. :D

The past 3 days were spent at TKD chalet. It was funny, I rushed so much and in the end the christmas presents I prepared for the tkd people, I forgot to bring. :\
It was an overall alright outing I guess. Not that I don't like them, I just haven't broken down that wall between us. I like everyone, but some people I just don't feel too comfortable with. Played a lot of mahjong though, and Charlene and Minde taught me how to play it properly! Like counting tai and stuff? I played until I was sucking everyone dry of their chips :D
Come on someone invite me to play mahjong! Now that I know how to play with money, I feel even more excited! Yay XD

Charlene & Minde also taught us how to play this game called The China Man, which by the way, the name has no relevance whatsoever to the actual game. Haha, its a drinking game and its so cool! I'm going to play it the next time I have a gathering with many people! (cough4Dcough)

(picture links coming soon)

Oh but a word of advice: NEVER EVER EVER go to Goldkist Resort for chalet. Its a cheap chalet but the rental fees for the stuff you need is like wtf?! $25 for bbq pit, $5 for a kettle (to boil hot water) and you have to pay a $20 deposit first. -_- Its seriously disgustingly ridiculous.




-

Let's recap my list of things to do:

List of things to do:
-create a QQ account (keep in touch with the two friends I made)
-send a letter to my god-sister (from the village :D)
-send the photos to the villagers
-upload photos
-type out my Dali trip post
-remind ODAC people to type their reflections
-collate and burn YEP photos into CDs for everyone
-create reflections for YEP publicity book
-update the publicity blog
-create my scrapbook of sceneries captured in Dali
-watch 转角遇到爱, 桃花小妹, etc. etc.
-watch Naruto, Bleach, etc. etc.
-wrap my christmas presents for people

and of course,

-do my homework. ugh.

Let's cross off some! Strike-d are those that I've already done, underlined are those I'm currently doing, and big, black and bold are those I feel important. the bigger they are, the more important they are.

-create a QQ account
-send a letter to my god-sister
-send the photos to the villagers
-upload photos
-type out my Dali trip post
-remind ODAC people to type their reflections
-collate and burn YEP photos into CDs for everyone
-create reflections for YEP publicity book
-update the publicity blog
-create my scrapbook of sceneries captured in Dali
-watch 转角遇到爱, 桃花小妹, etc. etc.
-watch Naruto, Bleach, etc. etc.
-wrap my christmas presents for people
-do my homework.

sigh, so much to do. :(

-

5:14pm
Well uploads for the YEP trip finished! At least, for my album. I'm kind of tired. I wish I had more time for everything. :\

http://picasaweb.google.com/TMD.mango

Cindy I can minimize the pictures le! When I upload at least. I still need the program or else my laptop will die sooner than it should :D thankssss

 After many months of less-than-subtle hints to my parents about needing a laptop to do my work, I finally got one! A black Acer eMachine that serves as my own personal laptop. My brother was telling me I didn't need to create a new folder for pictures because there was a default folder already there. Since its my own laptop I could use it. It felt so nice (and so weird) to finally own a new laptop. I don't know how to explain this feeling, but its been a long time since I got something so new and I am really happy. :)

I suppose this is 'God' repaying me for making me lose my phone and thumbdrive. I have a temporary phone now, and a new 4GB thumbdrive because it was a free gift with the laptop. The salesman who sold us the laptop was called Alan Yong. It was pretty funny how Dad tried to persuade him to give us a discount. I was already sold on buying it so I didn't help, and I sincerely thought he was a good salesman. very energetic, very persuasive, very charismatic. Everything I am not. :)

So I'm quite content now, even with the loss of my reflections. I'll try to retype them, although (sorry dad) I will be using my laptop to catch up on dramas and anime episodes. I can do all this in the comfort of my own room. Yay!

I got new spectacles too! But I get really dizzy when i wear them especially when I'm looking at far distances.
But no matter, I'm sure I'll get used to them.

-

So many things to do, so little time. Sigh.

Hey to whoever controls the f-ing world up there!

I tolerated the loss of my phone pretty well; why must I be tortured with losing my thumbdrive too!? And at first I was fine until I realized I had kept all my reflections in the thumbdrive. For f- 20 pages, the thumbdrive had better show up or I am so going to get pissed off and not do the reflections until 2 weeks later.

I mean, I know I will do it, I will have to for the sake of my poor memory and for the publicity scrapbook. But f- seriously? I don't want to retype. I HATE retyping. My last saved copy is at page 5, and I was already at page 20!?

For f- sake. Please give me a break. I'm so pissed off and so unhappy I can't stand to do anything else.
WHY.
WHY.

There's... ugh I'm so pissed I can't even be bothered to properly blog!

Yesterday I ran/jogged/walked/sleep-walked 21km for the Standard Chartered marathon and I'm not feeling aching thighs, shoulders, back and ribs. Seriously, how does running affect so many parts!?

Anyway, I managed to do a non-stop jogging of 10km, but at the 11km sign, I just sort of gave in and started walking. Every time I started to run again, I would pass by a sign that says 15km, or 16 km and I would just feel, ugh, tired and stop jogging. So effectively, I think I only ran like 15km? The other 6km was just walking really slowly, to the point I lagged quite behind until the last 3km where I knew the finishing line was near and chionged for it.

I started out with a stitch too, and with no practice, so I guess I did pretty well? 3h12m39s. :D

Oh and I lost my phone; think I left it in the cab Iimelda, Chingshia and I took to the place. :( My 4gb of songs... gone.

-

Well, I know what I want for Christmas!

-Fahrenheit 3rd Album
-Super Junior Albums (everything, repackaged, sub groups, whatever. I want all...13 albums? I think that's it. Any more is welcome :D)
-Shoes; I have no school shoes except my mum's black, Nike, walking shoe which is not allowed I guess. :\
-Time

I just need time the most; time to do homework, time to watch all the dramas, time to watch all the anime, time to listen to all the songs I want to hear, time to send out the letters to China, time to write my post.

Sigh.

Yesterday I went to make sure the things borrowed from ODAC room was properly returned, as well as count the number of sleeping bags and mattresses that would be sent to wash. Shunbian went to see who were our ODAC juniors from year 4.

It was kind of fun playing with them, although my name was hard to remember so I did more watching than playing. That's okay though, I know I'm not that easy to remember.

(I'm standing beside Kiankok)
Kiankok: Where's Xunlin? (it wasn't sarcasm)
Me: -_-

Iimelda, Chingshia and Jocelyn persuaded me to take Jocelyn's place in the standard chartered marathon on Sunday, so we wanted to jog as a practice, from school to the SDBA. But god said no and sent a torrent of rain crashing down on all of us as we started out journey. In the end almost everyone ran to hide for shelter under the bridge near the stadium, and we passed the time playing the Niu Nai game. It was quite cold, but no where near as cold as compared to China. :D

When we finally reached SDBA, we placed our newly bought paddles into our locker and showed the juniors where was Water Ways Watch. Then we showed them the way to the MRT as well, before we left to Payar Lebar for lunch. I got to know some of the juniors, and I hope we can become at least friends that say hi to each other when we meet in school. Lol.
Ate Astons and then followed ZZ, Joce, Chings and Iimelda to expo to collect the marathon race pack. I met Jia-en there! She was working an internship for EmitAsia, and I took one of her flyers. :D

Never change. :D
So funny, when she tapped me I was wondering why the person giving out the flyer was so persistent in giving me the flyer. HAHA.

Went home to bathe and change and then attend theatresports. Watching it, I knew I didn't have their ability to be spontaneous on the spot, but I kind of wish I did and it made me regret not joining it last time.
Oh well.

I'll just make do with what I have now. :)
Okay, a rather short post because I was rushing my YEP post. WTF 4 hours and still on day 3. -_- I want to watch dramas too la. >_<

these memories...

-

Overall, this YEP experience for me...
[X] was the most transformational experience I've ever had
[ ] was by far one of the more transformational experience I've ever had
[ ] was quite meaningful, although it had little impact on me
[ ] was a disappointment. I had no impact at all.

So I'm back!

Its a sudden emotion, missing someone. I was just thinking how I didn't really miss the kids and the weather when all of a sudden, the urge to just scream out burst into my chest.

Someone once told me that the world didn't revolve around me, and I had to realize that. I thought that was good advice but now I think again, how can anyone realize that? Whose other life can you experience fully except your own? You can't help but feel like the world revolves around you because you can only feel one person's experiences and emotions.
So to Yutse and PMZ, don't take it the wrong way when we start talking about events in the trip. 14 days is a long time, and so many things happened. I would love to tell you what happened again and again, just to make it more real for you. But if you don't like it, just say also can. :)
Its like the people who missed JNCO and SNCO. We don't mean to make you feel left out when we mention something from those camps. Its just that its now part of our memories, and they pop up once in a while because they are meaningful. I'm sorry you couldn't experience what I did, and I wish you did.

-

I don't want to forget. That village, that school, those people. I really want to visit them again.

The actual post of events is going to take awhile, and since I type long enough posts that put people (ie. Chingshia) to sleep, I need to add in pctures which will delay the post even more.

I feel strange I guess, back in the humid (although now its a rainy season) Singapore where I wear shorts and one-layer t-shirts, where my teeth don't chatter every few minutes, where I don't have to wake up in the freezing cold mornings of 7am because its holiday.
The talking-in-chinese part easily left me, haha. I shared some experiences with my brother, who went to Wuxi, completely in English. When I decided to converse in Chinese though, it felt relatively easy to do so.

I haven't bathed, haha. Will do after this; the habit of only bathing once every 2 or 3 days still intact. I missed showering in scalding hot water, so thats one aspect I'm glad to have now.
Something that everyone has to know: the 10 days in Xinyi Village, Jason shitted 26 times. The hell?! XD

I definitely appreciate my toilets now, the cleanliness, my bathroom, and my bed (lovely, soft, not cold, bed).

But when I was queuing at the Arrival Immigration counters in Changi Airport, I knew that I would miss the people I met in the Village. The innocence and the energy, the peace and the contentness. I couldn't feel it anymore as I watched Singaporeans rush for the shortest queue in the typical Singaporean behaviour, and I was sad.

-

List of things to do:
-create a QQ account (keep in touch with the two friends I made)
-send a letter to my god-sister (from the village :D)
-send the photos to the villagers
-upload photos
-type out my Dali trip post
-remind ODAC people to type their reflections
-collate and burn YEP photos into CDs for everyone
-create reflections for YEP publicity book
-update the publicity blog
-create my scrapbook of sceneries captured in Dali
-watch 转角遇到爱, 桃花小妹, etc. etc.
-watch Naruto, Bleach, etc. etc.
-wrap my christmas presents for people

and of course,

-do my homework. ugh.

-

感恩的心♥
我来自偶然
像一颗尘土
有谁看出我的脆弱
我来自何方
我情归何处
谁在下一刻呼唤我

天地虽宽
这条路却难走
我看遍这人间坎坷辛苦
我还有多少爱
我还有多少泪
要苍天知道我不认输

感恩的心 感谢有你
伴我一生让我有勇气作我自己
感恩的心 感谢命运
花开花落我一样会珍惜

LOL@Eunteuk's imitation of TOP's rapping (i think).
"I love you MORE MORE!" *open hands x2*
Haha, I wonder what it will be like seeing Bigbang sing to Suju songs? Haha, but GD's style fits Eunhyuk weee <3



A bit of smiles before I leave the computer for 2 weeks. :)

It rained for a while, and I tried to record some kind of duet with Donghae lol, but it didn't turn out right, but I still wanted to upload it and it didn't work on youtube and I don't feel like uploading it on facebook. Stupid youtube. lol.

-

I think I should go pack now.

-

I start to wonder about the attitude I'm bringing about. I mean, I know I am not perfect, and that if everyone hates me I could probably understand. But no one hates me (as far as I know) so then why don't I feel glad?

Humans are greedy.

I wish I could be superwoman. But I'm not. Helpless, and then my stubborn streak disappears all of a sudden. I'm too accepting, I can't accept that this is the only thing I can do.

But I do accept it, because I'm lazy.

Blah. I've been telling yiling, yi'an and cindy wrong things. heechul is blood type AB, and he, hongki from ft island, jonghyun from shinee and 3 other singers are in a club called Choco club, which is short for Crazy Charismatic People in Hangul. Damn funny.
Kangin says they just talk about themselves. -_- HAHAHAHA.

-

eh. WTF LA.
Come NOW?! NOW?!?!? OF ALL FUCKING TIMES.

-

A late night and rain falling down.
I bring you back from my memories.
I promised myself I would be fine without you, but I can’t help it.

A day without you is too long.
I pray that I may please forget you.
(that’s a lie)

Without you happiness cannot be found in me.
I can’t even shed any tears.
I don’t want to live anymore.

I’m so sorry, but I love you, but I can't lie

I’m gonna change, I’ll laugh everything off from now on.

The worst outcome didn't come true. For that, I'm really grateful; although I had to endure equally frustrating and depressing comments throughout the process of making the video, I really am thankful that no one bashed me for the end product.

Sincerely, I do honestly think everyone looked beautiful in the video, especially when they were laughing. The effect of slowed down laughter coupled with classical music like the piano, is really addictive. I feel like making more of those kind of videos. Maybe when my camera is fixed I'll bring it everyday and record down people laughing. Does anyone else see the beauty in your friends' laughter like I do? The smiles on their faces are so nice...

-

So he's not leaving until December 15; the farewell ceremony was still sad because I realized how much I still wanted to get to know him.
I don't have much to say here, and in fact anything I have to say to Mr Sng, I'll tell him (or write to him) in private.

But I do want to say that to anyone who doesn't like Mr Sng, feels indifferent about his departure, or simply thinks that he's some hypocrite who talks and does nothing?

I feel sad for you.

Because you obviously never had the chance to talk to him, or shake his hand, and see why there are so many of us who do like him. There may be a large number who simply wish him farewell and say they will miss him when they won't, simply because he was the youngest principal in Singapore and might have been very cool (to their perception). But there are also those (including me) who has had the lucky chance to experience an actual conversation with him.
It was just a short conversation; it was just a simple handshake. But words cannot describe the sincerity and the passion you could feel from his words and actions.

If I had the super ability to let everyone feel the way I feel about things, I would. The feeling of being bonded to someone whom others might consider as a stranger to me, even though I think of him as a friend. The feeling of being able to trust him, even though we've hardly shared any conversation of significance. The feeling of wanting to have a conversation with him, because he's worth the time. If I could share this feeling with you, and then let you realize how sad I really feel (you should really feel) about Mr Sng leaving Dunman High, I would.

I do wish him all the best for the future, and that he's happy in whatever he does. :)

-

And I personally think its sweet that he cares more about his family than the function the PSG put up for him.
Everyone will have differing opinions.

This is mine.

I (sorta) broke the nail on the last finger of my right hand, and I whined about it. How girl.

BUT MY HAND LOOKED SO NICE, and now its ruined because of the stubby look my last finger has without the nail. Its super easy to cut my nails now, but I must resist! >_< Grr.

CINDY PUIMUN THIS VIDEO IS FOR US :D We love the best dancers man.
skip forward to minute 5:06 if you don't care about donghae's life. :)



OMO~ Eunhyuk's body is loves. :D And his hair is gorgeous last time haha. No complaints about now though.
Donghae's ponytail is super cute! And Hankyung's stare is seriously intense. I can imagine the girls in his range dying on the spot. XD

ANOTHER ONE!



EH don't niao Donghae's hair okay! Their hairstyles also not as if they choose themselves can. -_-
Anyway, many Eunhae moments, and appropriate dose of Hankyung, but I don't think Cindy will watch to the end. Hence, I say CINDY WATCH TO THE END. Even if no eye candy, the entertainment is worth it. :D

-

Seriously, how can I not love my SuJu addiction when they drive my troubles away?
No longer tired, no longer feeling like my holiday is stolen away, no pain, no stress, no sadness.

Just fleeting happiness that comes with every word that comes out of Super Junior's mouths. Their voices, their dance, their music, their performances, they just make me smile.

And for at least a second, or a minute at best, I can forget everything.

-

(s)he's so beautiful, how can I not love (her)?

-

I wish you guys would stop it, and not judge my feelings like that.
I know you're joking, but I feel hurt, because it doesn't sound like you're joking, and instead, it makes me think that its wrong to feel this way, when it isn't.

It isn't.
it can't.

Because why is it wrong to love?

How tired I feel.
I don't know why I purposely piled everything together.
Like as if, I wanted to be so busy I'd forget all about it.

But its just... backfiring.
In the end, I still remember it.

And every time I do, a little piece of me gets chipped away.
By stress.
By pain.
By life.

I feel the aches, but I know these are nothing compared to the one in my heart.
Does anyone understand that?

-

Not knowing, yet believing so wholeheartedly.
I want to know, perhaps, we're the same?

( my best friend gave me the best advice )

-

She finally stopped crying; maybe it was because she had used up all her tears in that 1hour15minutes conversation. Anyway, she stopped crying. She knew that she would've cried had it not been for that call, she would've still felt that aching, stinging sensation of hearing her dreams shatter into a million pieces, she would've felt so sorry for herself, frustrated at herself, pissed off by herself. Her eyes were sore and dry, she kept blinking to keep her sight clear and block the wind. The sharp air made her eyeballs hurt, but no tears welled up this time, no choked up sadness lay in her lungs.

Only the aftermath of a large bawl, the slow, shaky breathing of someone who has just lost the most precious thing in the word and cried an ocean about it.

She knew it was herself; it was always herself that was the obstacle. It is hard for her to remember what it was like not being this way, what it was like before she grew up and became attuned to her emotions and feelings. The voices continually haunt her, but the words that touched her, comforted her, made her cry again (but this time, out of happiness) rang louder and stronger in her ears. It was incredible, how simple words can be, but how big of an impact it has on someone. She was thankful, grateful, and extremely happy that those words are finally spoken to her. It was only then she realized just how long she had been waiting to hear those words; how long she had wanted proof that someone believed in her.

She knows its impossible for things to change overnight, and that faith is still something beyond her reach. But step by step, one at a time, she will overcome those voices, the fears that always seemed worse than it actually is. She will learn to control her thoughts, instead of being controlled. She will trust again, and believe in her own trust. No one is as judgmental as she assumed them to be; no one hates her the way she thought they did.

Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Be confident, be patient, be happy.

-

I would be on a stage, a stage I would consider good enough to be the world stage. And sing my heart out.

"I'll be right there."

-

"You belong on that stage. I know you, and I know you're meant to do this. This is your calling and they will understand once they see it. Stop thinking that you are shit, stop thinking so much. Insecurity hurts you so much more."

"I'm the first one you're hearing these words from, but I will not be the last. I promise you that."